The Scumbags

Denim

Sal the Swindler

"Scum always rises to the top."

Sal "The Swindler" Sauceslinger grew up in the slums of Swashbuckleton, where he was surrounded by gamblers, gypsies, vagabonds, thieves, and all other flavors of "ne'er-do-wells". Lacking the essential sleight of hand or agility of his fellow crooks, but knowing no alternative to a life of crime, Sal developed his own method: swindlery. Trickery and deception were his tools and he used them sometimes as a jeweler uses precision forceps to lay a delicate ruby into position, and other times as a butcher uses a dull iron cleaver to rend a flank asunder. One foggy evening as he endeavored upon one of his usual tricks -- a particularly diabolical trick involving dice, a receipt, and a counterfeit wax letter seal from the King of The Pines -- it just so happened that he "pulled the rug from under" the great Brittany "the Big Boot" Bartlebonk, the famous soccer player notorious for her oversized dominant foot. Rumor had it that she cast her foot in lead, but the truth was she simply had a really big fucking foot. In her prime she had scored not once but sixteen times from beyond the halfway line -- and broke through the net on all but one. The keeper got a hand on that shot and nearly died as a result. Brittany noticed Sal's trickery and was about to hit him with a Joe Rogan leg kick but someone felt pity for him. She took the dice from him and brought him to Green Road instead. Sal fell in love with soccer at once, and he left behind his scumbaggery for good, instead using his skillset to pass defenders on the pitch. He now coaches The Scumbags and intends to lead them to victory through the unusual playbook he has dedicated his life to developing.